Reunion Jokes

We are preparing the list of songs to be played at the 35th reunion... Below are just a few.....

Bobby Darin ---   Splish, Splash, I Was Having' a Flash.

Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo Starr ---  I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees -- -  How Can You Mend a Broken Hip..

Roberta Flack---  The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer ---  You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations ---  Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba--- Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando ---  Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore---  It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To. 

Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again.



Where to live after Retirement

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You 've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can Live in New York City where.
1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is 'nature'
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Minnesota or Maine where..
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. 'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.
3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?' 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5 Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

The Perks of being Over 50


Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

You can live without intimacy but not without glasses.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.